Reading the stories of St. Columbanus' life, you could be forgiven for thinking that he was about one musical number away from being a real life Disney princess. He would roam the forests with birds flying around his head and landing on his shoulders while squirrels would run up and down his robes and nest in his cowl. Assuming that this guy was some sort of hippie wuss would probably be the last mistake you'd ever make, however, because Columbanus' control over animals didn't stop with the adorable ones. To put it plainly, the guy was essentially a beast master. As the Catholic church tells it, when walking through the forest one day, Columbanus was confronted with a dozen hungry wolves (who had probably been attracted by all the tasty birds and squirrels that followed him around). He walked right through them, unmolested. Apparently feeling that this just wasn't impressive enough, he soon upgraded to a more terrifying class of animal minion: bears. Evidently, the only thing that Columbanus loved more than helping others and spreading the word of God was the total humiliation and subjugation of bears. You'd swear that they'd picked on him in high school or something. His first ursine bitchslap was when he decided to retire into a mountain cave for prayer and meditation. The only problem was that this particular cave was the home to one very large sleeping she bear. Flying in the face of Darwinism, self preservation and general common sense, Columbanus woke up the confused 1,000 pound tower of teeth and claws and ordered it to leave the cave and never return. "Ugh and from now on, shit in the woods!" The bear, recognizing the fact that anyone brave enough to wake it up in the first place was obviously someone not to be screwed with, ran away, tail between its legs. As if kicking a bear out of its house wasn't suicidally badass enough for one lifetime, some time later Columbanus came upon a bear feasting on the carcass of a deer in the middle of the woods. The saint decided that he could probably use some new shoes, and so casually ordered the bear not to harm the skin of the deer so that he could use it to make a new pair. But Columbanus hadn't even begun to prove to bears everywhere who the boss was yet. When the monastery where Columbanus lived was having trouble planting its crops one year, he solved this problem the only way he knew how: by making a bear look stupid. He summoned one of the apex predators from a nearby forest and hooked it up to a plow like a common mule. Now, since it was the 13th century and medicine was not all that advanced, it was a tad surprising when she woke up during her funeral and vehemently disagreed with being buried . "Can you at least try out the coffin before you say no?" Did we say disagreed? We mean she frickin' flew up all the way to the rafters of the chapel, complaining about the sinful stench of the unwashed masses below. Indeed, "astonishing" is probably a title well earned at that stage. But wait, it gets even better. The story goes that the young woman declared that she had seen purgatory and decided that her suffering in their stead would help guide souls out of the cleansing fire straight into heaven. So suffer she did, and no, she didn't half ass it with some minor self flagellation. Witnesses testified that she had been seen crawling into live ovens, handling fire, standing in freezing water for hours, getting mauled by dogs and, finally, being dragged around and around by a mill wheel. And all that without sustaining so much as a single scratch. However, they found her Steve Martin impression lacking. When she wasn't out flinging herself into danger, she would sleep in tombs and caves, climb trees and buildings or simply levitate to avoid contact with the people she identified as sinners by their smell alone. Hmm . a woman who died but then came back more powerful than ever, with the ability to fly, who was pretty much invulnerable? And exhibiting subtle signs of mental imbalance? Yep, she was pretty much the Catholic Jean Grey. "Hail Jean, full of Grey, Cyclops is with thee ." 1. St. Joseph of Cupertino Could FlyMost saints used their miraculous powers to help their fellow man: healing the sick, feeding the hungry or something equally altruistic. As far as we know, there was only one saint who used his miraculous powers just to look really, really badass. St. Joseph of Cupertino was an Italian friar who could, according to legend, fly. And none of this David Blaine "hovering an inch and a half off the ground" crap, either. He's reported to have been capable of soaring into the sky and flying over crowds of people like Superman in a robe. Also, he was apparently the Crucifix Hamburglar. The first reported instance of Joseph giving gravity the finger was during a procession on the feast day for St. Francis of Assisi. Joseph was just helping out, walking around like the rest of us land based humans, when he suddenly became overwhelmed by the spirit and soared into the air, hanging out over the crowd until one of his superiors ordered him to come down. Joseph was apparently so embarrassed by the incident that he ran to his mother's house instead of, we don't know, continuing to do barrel rolls all day while screaming "I can freaking fly, bitches!" like we'd do in the same situation. "Dude, I'm open! Open! No, up here!" This wasn't a one off, either. Joseph's flights became so frequent that the friars reportedly had to forbid him from doing it because he was causing a distraction. Evidently friars had better things to do with their time back then than watch somebody break the laws of physics. "Joseph, don't make us tether you!" This ban may have been for Joseph's own safety, however, since he's reported to have been a bit of a moron. Known for being incredibly simple, he couldn't read or write and his lack of intelligence was supposedly so pronounced that it actually led to him becoming, among other things, the patron saint of the mentally handicapped. In other words, if the stories are to be believed, then one day God apparently thought to himself, "I wonder what would happen if I gave the idiot superpowers?" You can read more from Richy Craven at A Series of Terrible Decisions or follow him on Twitter. Alternatively you could read more of Dustin Koski's articles over at Toptenz. For more reasons the bible is like comic books, check out 5 Real Deleted Bible Scenes In Which Jesus Kicks Some Ass and The 9 Most Badass Bible Verses. Nike Air Foamposite Pro ,Air Jordan 6 Rings Black Varsity Royal Air Jordan 5 Premio Black Black Metallic Silver 646701 300 Kobe 9 EM Nike Kobe 9 Low EM XDR Prelude 646701 300 Kobe 9 EM 653996 146 Nike KD 7 USA 653996 660 KD 7 Global Game Action Red Metallic Silver Air Jordan 6 Rings Black Dark Charcoal Air Jordan 5 Premio Black Black Metallic Silver Whenever you see LA riding around in his Livestrong kit, people assume that he is using this to raise awareness for his anti cancer campaign. Yet Livestrong is also the name of his for profit website. So next time you see the Livestrong logo plastered everywhere, ask yourself, does this really have everything to do with cancer, or is he advertising for his for profit website and earning ad revenue under the banner of fighting cancer? You might also reconsider the whole point of all those videos. Pageviews equal money. He just refuses to speak to the media, creates his own videos, drives traffic to his site to earn money. But the comeback is all about preventing cancer." I like to see the mechanics by which he uses naive and well meaning (and maybe a little cynical) people to line his pockets. But Does anyone HERE really need this thread to learn that a lot (but certainly not all) of the whole Livestrong deal is a way for its namesake to separate the aforementioned naive people from their cash? Personally, I don't think the livestrong supporters would have it any other way: they get the good feeling of donating to what they have determined to be a worthy cause without the hassle of actually doing anything. It's a mutually beneficial cynical relationship. Nike Air Foamposite Pro,Secretary of State John Kerry exhorted leaders on both sides Thursday to "lead" and to do so now to prevent the negotiations from collapsing. In Algeria for strategic security talks after traveling to the Mideast twice in the past 10 days to rescue the peace process, Kerry called it a "critical moment" for the peace process and vowed to continue his efforts "no matter what." But he added there are limits to what the Obama administration can do to push the parties together and said it would be a "tragedy" if the talks failed. The YGS Group provides digital and printed reprint services for Daily Herald. Complete the form to the right and a reprint consultant will contact you to discuss how you can reuse this article. Need more information about reprints? Visit our Reprints Section for more details. Contact information ( required ) Name Telephone E mail In unusually blunt terms, Kerry made his impatience clear although he allowed that he could not force Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu or Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas to continue the talks, let alone actually resolve the long running conflict. "You can facilitate, you can push, you can nudge, but the parties themselves have to make fundamental decisions and compromises," he said. "The leaders have to lead and they have to be able to see a moment when it's there." He recalled the old adage that you can lead a horse to water but can't make it drink. "Now is the time to drink," Kerry said. "The leaders need to know that." Later during a visit to a Nike store for a youth soccer event, Kerry half joked that he was tempted to use the company's slogan "Just Do It" in his recent discussions with Abbas and Netanyahu. "But," he added wryly, "I don't know if that would have worked so well." At a news conference with Algeria's foreign minister, Kerry told reporters he planned to talk with both leaders Thursday afternoon. mediators huddled with Israeli and Palestinian negotiators in Jerusalem overnight. But there is a still a gap and that gap will have to be closed and closed very soon," Kerry said. Kerry has spent much of the last two weeks frantically trying to keep the peace talks from breaking down. He saw Netanyahu in Israel on Monday and Abbas last week in Jordan, but cancelled a third trip to the region on Wednesday after the Palestinians said they would seek greater United Nations recognition over Israeli objections. Abbas announced the move after Israel refused to release a group of Palestinian prisoners it had earlier agreed to free. Both actions run counter to the agreement the two sides reached last year to negotiate a settlement by the end of April. Despite eight months of talks, there have been few, if any, tangible signs of progress. Confronted with the deadlock, Kerry and his team have incrementally lowered the bar for success of the talks from a comprehensive peace deal to a framework for an agreement and are now trying merely to keep the two sides talking beyond the initial target date. Kerry said both Netanyahu and Abbas have told him they remain committed to talks. He said the current disagreements were over "process" rather than "the fundamental substance of a final status agreement."
2014 Online Sale! 40 80 Off Nike Air Foamposite Pro,Air Jordan 10 Bulls Over Broadway 1. Fake it until you make it If your flesh is looking pale and pasty, get a fake tan to look great for the party season. Somehow golden brown looks slimmer than pale and uninteresting. Treat yourself to a make up lesson so your party face looks glamorous and up to date, especially if you've been wearing the same tired old make up for years. The right make up can take inches off your face and draw all attention to your eyes rather than your size. 3. Beat the bloat For a few days before any big event avoid alcohol and caffeine, and drink lots of water to flush out toxins. Eat lots of fresh fruit and vegetables and eat only small quantities of other carbohydrate foods, keeping to wholegrain rather than white varieties of bread, rice or pasta. If you can afford it, try a body wrap treatment before a special occasion although the results won't last for long. 4. Get the size right Whatever you wear make sure it fits. There's nothing more unsightly than a body trying to bulge out of an uncomfortably tight dress. If you can't easily do up a garment then go for a larger size. Better to have a simple outfit of black trousers or long skirt and an evening top than a designer creation that looks less than beautiful on you. 5. Simply does it Avoid clingy and shiny fabrics, loud prints and bulky details such as gathering, ruffles, puff sleeves and fluffy trimmings which tend to draw unwanted attention to your size. 6. On a budget? If you can't afford to treat yourself to a new outfit, update last year's little number with some new fun jewelry or an evening bag. Or you could look around the second hand clothing stores and pick up a bargain. If you have a really big occasion think about hiring a dress, especially if you're in the middle of a weight loss program. 7. Wrap it up If the tops of your arms are a bit flabby, drape a velvet or satin stole lightly around them for a glam look. You'll feel chique and elegant. Or choose a dress with long sheer sleeves. 8. Under cover Remember to wear the right undies so that they support you properly and don't show horribly under your outfit. Get fitted for a new bra (especially if you've lost or gained weight recently). Most large department stores have specialist fitters. And look out for the Bridget Jones type magic knickers that keep your tummy and thighs firmly in check. Wear dark sheer pantyhose or stockings rather than lighter shades and avoid chunky shoes which make legs look heavier. 9. Shady lady Stay away from light colours which tend to add pounds and choose dark shades. If traditional black doesn't suit you try navy or some of the beautiful plummy tones around. 10. Be You Make the effort to look the best you can for your party, but don't forget that it's your smile, your posture, your confidence and your whole personality that will be remembered, not your dress or your party shoes. So walk tall, smile and go enjoy the party. Nike Air Foamposite Pro The Detroit Red Wings agreed to terms with left winger Tomas Tatar on a new three year contract, the team announced Monday. Tatar, 23, completed his first full NHL season in 2013 14 and ranked sixth on the Red Wings with 39 points (19 goals, 20 assists) in 73 games. He also represented Slovakia at the 2014 Sochi Olympics and had one goal and one assist in four games. The views expressed below are not those of Click On Detroit, WDIV, or its affiliated companies. By clicking on "Post," you acknowledge that you have read the Terms of Service and your comment is in compliance with such terms. Readers, please help keep this discussion respectful and on topic by flagging comments that are offensive or inappropriate (hover over the commenter's name and you'll see the flag option appear on right side of that line). And remember, respect goes both ways: Tolerance of others' opinions is important in a free discourse. If you're easily offended by strong opinions, you might skip reading comments entirely.
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